Reading The Bridge of San Luis Rey (2007-06-29/07-02)

"There is a land of the living and a land of the dead and the bridge is love, the only survival, the only meaning."
--Thornton Wilder, The Bridge of San Luis Rey

Hanging in our hallway is a painting from Peru of a hanging bridge, bequeathed to me by my maternal grandmother, along with The Bridge of San Luis Rey. I received these after January 2006 when she died in Panorama City Convalescent Center in Lacey after a period of ill health. Thornton Wilder writes, "Even memory is not necessary for love," but both love and memory of her still remain.

Reading The Moon is a Harsh Mistress (2007-05-24/06-17)

Thing that got me was not her list of things she hated, since she was obviously crazy as a Cyborg, but fact that always somebody agreed with her prohibitions. Must be a yearning deep in human heart to stop other people from doing as they please. Rules, laws— always for other fellow. A murky part of us, something we had before we came down out of trees, and failed to shuck when we stood up. Because not one of those people said: "Please pass this so that I won't be able to do something I know I should stop." Nyet, tovarishchee, was always something they hated to see neighbors doing. Stop them "for their own good"—not because speaker claimed to be harmed by it.

--Robert A. Heinlein, The Moon is a Harsh Mistress

I recall a time I looked through everything in the school library by Robert A. Heinlein. Although this blog only holds one such book review, I love speculative fiction--especially science fiction, fantasy, and magical realism. Nevertheless, I only really recall reading Stranger in a Strange Land and The Number of the Beast. I don't remember reading The Moon is a Harsh Mistress, even though I tend to remember social science fiction I read (e.g., Animal Farm, Brave New World, Fahrenheit 451, The Left Hand of Darkness, Nineteen Eight-Four).

The Moon is a Harsh Mistress was published in 1967--the year of the Summer of Love--and mentions themes common in the hippie counterculture movement of the 1960s. Its society excites me and inspires my imagination. It appeals to my civil libertarian leanings. I want freedom from conventional careers, freedom to travel, freedom from relationship restrictions, etc.; and I believe in responsibility and the importance of individuals. Luna in The Moon is a Harsh Mistress is among the societies in speculative fiction that seem desirable and viable to me. However, I don't know how our current societies would evolve into them.

Sailing on Lake Union (2007-06-26)

Tuesday nights during the summer I'll often be with Allan's crew on his sailboat on Lake Union in Seattle, WA instead of elsewhere in the world. I love the wind and water; sailing is adventurous to me. This night stronger winds added exercise to my relaxation. As yet we've won no more black ducks, however.

Discussing How to Be An Adult (2007-06-28/29)

I admire my older mentors for the grace and good humor with which they handle adversity, and the ease with which they handle responsibility. I know several others of similar age that react to emotional events the way I remember people reacting in high school. Did these others get stuck somewhere in the maturing process? What made my mentors keep maturing? I don't know. I imagine, however, that How to Be An Adult may be useful to those with the motivation toward maturity.

As a previous post sparked some discussion, I wanted to post more detail on this book. The previous post selected a specific aspect of the book (assertiveness), whereas this post will provide an overview of How to Be An Adult.

Paulist Press published How to Be an Adult: A Handbook for Psychological and Spiritual Integration. Shambhala published How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving. These publishers may show the intellectual trend in David Richo's thinking. I have started How to Be an Adult in Relationships but do not find it as inspiring as How to Be an Adult.

How to Be an Adult has as its metaphor a heroic journey: a departure from containment in conditioned fear (by letting go of neurotic ego), a struggle to move out and to become unconditional and powerful (by building a healthy ego), and a return to wholeness as unconditionally loving (by releasing the spiritual self). The parts of the book are "Personal Work," "Relationship Issues," and "Integration"--and I understand the last part least. These parts, however, remind me of Stephen R. Covey's maturity continuum--from dependence to independence to interdependence--that I've mentioned several times. I end this post with a list of the issues these parts and chapters discuss:

• Personal Work
• Growing Pains and Growing Up
• Assertiveness Skills
• Challenges to Adulthood
  
• Fear
• Anger
• Guilt
  
• Values and Self-Esteem
  
• Relationship Issues
• Maintaining Personal Boundaries in Relationships
• Intimacy
  
• Integration
  
• The Art of Flexible Integration
• Befriending the Shadow
• Dreams and Destiny: Seeing in the Dark
• Ego/Self Axis: Where Psychology and Spirituality Meet
• Unconditional Love
  

Rereading How to Be An Adult (2007-05-10/13)

The art in assertiveness is to ask strongly for what you want and then to let go of it if the answer is No. You tread the fine line between consistent perseverance and the stubborn persistence that can feel to others like abuse. Passive people do not ask for what they want. Aggressive people demand (openly) or manipulate (secretly) to get what they want. Assertive people simply ask, without inhibition of themselves or pressure on others.

--David Richo, How to be An Adult

A copy David Richo's How to be An Adult: A Handbook on Psychological and Spiritual Integration (borrowed a decade ago from someone I no longer know) comes off my bookshelf every few years for my reading. The forward notes, "This book is written in a highly condensed way," and this density provides me greater understanding each read. David Richo frequently quotes thinkers such as Joseph Campbell, Teilhard de Chardin, Émile Durkheim, Meister Eckhart, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Jung, Alice Miller, Virginia Satir, and Shakespeare (Hamlet, Romeo and Juliet, The Tempest, etc.).

There are three parts to How to be An Adult: "Personal Work," "Relationship Issues," and "Integration". Within Part 1 is Chapter 2, "Assertiveness Skills". An earlier post quoted this book in a discussion of definitions of emotional and personal maturity. I think the "Helpful Principles" in Chapter 2; and the definitions (above) of assertiveness, passivity, and aggressiveness; are useful as well.

The first "Helpful Principle" is as follows:

Early in life, you may have learned that it is not legitimate to:

• Show your real feelings
• Give and receive openly
• Ask for things directly
• Tell your opinions
• Take care of your own interests
• Say No to what you do not want
• Act as if you deserved abundance

These are injunctions against having power, and to the extent that we have internalized them, we have disabled ourselves and limited our adult capacities. Our journey to wholeness begins from just such a wounded place.

Since I want abundance, this is a good place to begin. Other principles strike me as useful:

• "Check out your feelings, suspicions, or doubts with the people involved."
• "Trying without doing is wishing rather than choosing."
• "You can be informed by others' behavior rather than affected by it."

Finally, David Richo lists "Basic Rights of the Assertive Person". Some of these stand out to me:

• "To say No or Maybe without pressure to decide in accord with someone else's timing."
• "To be illogical in making decisions."
• "To be free to explain your choices or not (includes not having to make excuses or give reasons when you say No)."

These stand out because I sometimes feel hurt when others exercise these rights. Perhaps--as is often the case--I don't really believe I have a right to delay, or make illogical or unexplained decisions, so insist others must be comprehensible. In most relationships, however, I try to practice assertion:

1. Be clear about your feelings, choices, and agenda
2. Ask for what you want
3. Take responsibility for your feelings and behavior

I think these skills are essential to mature adulthood.

Reading 25: Wildlife Adventures (2007-06-13)

Yesterday we went to Wide World Books & Maps for ideas on where to travel next. My travel ideal has these characteristics:

• It's new.
• It's adventurous.

New

I like variety, so I want to go somewhere I haven't been before. Somewhere new has different meanings at different scales, however:

1. Considering supercontinents, I have been to Afro-Eurasia and the Americas. However, I have no desire to visit Antarctica, because extreme cold scares me. Consequently this scale is too big to help decide.
2. Considering continents, I have been to Africa, North America, Europe, and Oceania. This leaves Asia, South America, and Antarctica.
3. There are also vast regions I haven't visited within some continents I have:
• In Africa I went to East Africa (Kenya and Tanzania), in Sub-Saharan Africa, so I haven't been to North Africa--or west, central, or south Africa within Sub-Saharan Africa.
• In North America I've been to both North America (Canada, Mexico, and the United States) and Central America (only Honduras, though the plane landed in Belize), but not the Caribbean.
• In Europe I've been to England, France, Germany, leaving southern Europe, the Iberian Peninsula, and eastern Europe (depending on how one divides Europe).
• In Oceania I've been to Polynesia (Hawaiʻi), but not Australasia, Micronesia, or the south Pacific.

Adventurous

As a child, I read high fantasy authors like J.R.R. Tolkien (The Lord of the Rings), C.S. Lewis (The Chronicles of Narnia), and Ursula K. Le Guin (Earthsea). As an adult, I find travel the closest experience to a quest. Elements encountered in a quest include castles, caverns, long distances, foreign languages, forests, mountains, oceans, ruins, sacred places, sailing, and wild animals. Examples in my travels are as follows:

• watching wild animals (including black rhinoceros, lions, and wildebeest) in Ngorongoro Crater, on the Serengeti, or in the Tarangire River valley in Tanzania;
  
• climbing Kilimanjaro;
• swimming in the Indian Ocean in Kenya;
• camping in Banff National Park in the Canadian Rockies;
• weathering Hurricane Marty in Los Cabos;
• driving the perimeter of the United States;
  
• sleeping in a tree house in Georgia, United States;
• walking through Carlsbad Caverns;
  
• canoeing with alligators in Okefenokee Swamp;
• backpacking across the Cascades to Holden Village;
  
• exploring the ruins at Copán;
  
• snorkeling with Hawaiian Green Sea Turtles in Kahalu'u;
• touring the top of Mauna Kea;
  
• seeing Stonehenge;
• touring châteaux in the Loire Valley;
• visiting Schloss Hohenschwangau and Schloss Neuschwanstein; and
  
• entering cathedrals in England, France, and Germany.

This desire for more adventure travel led to the purchase of 25: Wildlife Adventures and A Year of Adventures: Lonely Planet's Guide to Where, What And When to Do It. In the first book I found I had been to 3 of the 25 places (Baja California, Tanzania, Florida) and experienced 5 of the 25 wildlife adventures (wildebeest migration, alligators, rhino, lions, turtles).

The question remains: Where should William go? I pose this question to the readers of this blog; recommend a place to go. While I'm asking a question of readers, I'll also ask: What should William blog? Of the score of examples above, only a half-dozen have posts.

[Update: I corrected the date to this year!]

Watching Fido (2007-05-30)

Yesterday I was seeking a break from serious conversation. What entertainment requires less energy than a zombie movie? Using online voucher redemption and Will Call--a combination almost as convenient as a pass--, I decided Wednesday afternoon to join friends at the Neptune Theatre for Fido that night. The crowd that appeared for this black comedy was almost like ones at Midnight Adrenaline films, or Paprika.

I was hoping for goofy fun, and I was not disappointed. Carrie-Anne Moss played her role well. The comedy--especially the Lassie allusions-- were so funny the audience laughed over many of the lines. I enjoyed the film.

Watching La Vida Homo (2007-05-27)

Sunday night at the Egyptian I introduced new friends to other friends with tickets and we all watched a series of short films. I'll list them in order of my enjoyment, from the film I enjoyed most to the one I enjoyed least:

1. Cowboy Forever. I especially liked the scene in which their cowboy coworkers jokingly hold Jones down for a kiss from Govinda. Without requiring serious discussion they conveyed humorous awareness of the feelings involved.
   
2. Heartland. For a suspenseful moment in this short film it's not clear if the main characters will fight or kiss.
3. signage. There can be many reasons two people stay away from one another. This short shows the real reason isn't always the "obvious" one.
4. Kali Ma. This was entertaining enough for a longer running time, even if the plot was improbable.
5. Serene Hunter. Sometimes it's the pursuit that's fun.
6. 41 Seconds. I liked the way this short film played with presentation on the screen.
7. I Just Wanted to Be Somebody. The photo for this film never appeared onscreen. Neither did Anita Bryant. Instead, we saw sheep shearing and what appeared to be a baby factory. I suspect there was a mistake in the reels and we watched the wrong film.
   

At Secret Festival #1 (2007-05-27)

For reasons I can't discuss, the Secret Festival started me thinking about emotional immaturity and maturity. Signs that suggest emotional immaturity to me include lack of empathy, managing moods with substances, refusing to talk about feelings, and tolerating any behavior in others.

In contrast, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People quotes Hrand Saxenian's definition of emotional maturity: "the ability to express one's own feelings and convictions balanced with consideration for the thoughts and feelings of others." In 7 Habits this balance between courage and consideration is necessary for Habit 4: Think Win/Win. This habit helps move people from independence to interdependence. This is part of Stephen R. Covey's broader maturity continuum (not merely emotional maturity), from dependence to independence to interdependence.

In How to Be An Adult, David Richo writes, "Adults learn that separateness is not an abandonment but simply a human condition, the only condition from which a healthy relationship can grow. With boundaries come interdependence rather than dependency." In films and in life, I see the value of these definitions of emotional and personal maturity.

At Muk Gong Saturday Gala (2005-07-26)

Two days after the Opening Night Gala we attended the first Saturday Gala, another film and reception. The film was Muk gong/A Battle of Wits and the reception was at the Hilton.

Although based upon a novel and manga, Muk gong was live action rather than anime (whereas Paprika was anime). I went expecting strategy and stunts, and was not disappointed. The score for films I liked versus films I disliked is 3 to 0.

At the reception our group of a half-dozen guys noticed a SIFF guest that one of our friends suggested had been in Paris, je t'aime, in the segment "Le Marais" directed by Gus Van Sant. I consulted the full cast and crew on the Internet Movie Database on my phone. Since Ryan was sure it wasn't Gaspard Ulliel, we decided it was Elias McConnell.

As he walked away for a cigarette break, I intercepted him and verified his identity. "This party is lame," he said, "there's no one my age." I pointed to two of our friends and said they were his age. "There are no girls my age," he amended. Nevertheless the five of us talked--about Portland, his past and present photography, his role in Elephant, his ongoing friendship with Gus Van Sant (and the roles Elias hopes to play), clubbing in Paris around the filming of Paris, je t'aime, and the Luxembourg filming of House of Boys--until it was time for our friends to leave the party.